Though my heart is broken...shattered, I wanted to share such happiness today. There are beautiful moments in the midst of sadness, sometimes we don't see them that day or that moment but when we least expect a joy moment they say...looky I'm here don't forget there is joy! My last Christmas with all 3 of us together was tinged with that joy. I crochet when I'm sad or mad or happy or just blah...I crochet just because I need to feel that joy of making something. As Debbie was lying in that bed living as full a life she could she saw everything I made. She had to touch it ask why I did this or that. Always I tried to get things finished so she could see why. Then she'd want one...for her present from me I made a blankie (the one with circles) to represent us 3. For her present to me new hooks and yarn, I like to think so I wouldn't quit loving through string when she passed.
On with the story...I was working a blankie for Join The Love. This blankie (the one mostly red) was extra special because it was a replacement for one that didn't get home. There needed to be extra love inside it for this mom who was missing her little boy. So I started joining the squares with love and knots and I had to stop because Debbie slipped into a bad place and I needed to be with her. After she passed I sat and really wondered for awhile if I could finish it. I mean I was lost and devastated. Then I heard this voice, Sister you NEED to do this, he needs to be home. I argued but I knotted. I got it finished and I mailed it and low and behold he made it home and he is loved. And my sister was right...I can't let a bad moment hide my joy moments. You can't either. Look for the joy find it...dig and make noise...it will rear its head. Have a blessed day!
~pam
Oh, Pam. I could feel your every emotion as I read your words. I am so glad you said, "I can't let a bad moment hide my joy moments". That's exactly the way I feel. Your work is beautiful. Debbie knew it. If for no other reason, continue doing it and smile (through tears if they come) because doing so reminds you of Debbie.
ReplyDeleteCheryl, thank you! I know my hands do the work but my heart has always tied the knots. Debbie did like to ask questions touch it have one of her own almost everything. She really loved the stories that went with the join the love blankets, especially when the families told how touched they were when they came. Sterling's blanket had 19 pairs of hands and 20 hearts poured into those knots.
DeleteThank you for sharing sweet Pam, this was a blessing this morning. Again, I wish I could give you a hug (and maybe get one back,)
ReplyDeleteYou hug me every day and I ALWAYS hug back! <3
DeleteJust beautiful Sweetpea!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Michelle! I always feel like I'm leaving something important out of my little story. Probably will write about her for years and years. <3
ReplyDelete