Sisters3

This is a post of courage and love and pain and hope. But mostly about love. Let's start at the beginning...I am blessed to be the oldest child in a group of 4, 3 girls and 1 boy stuck between us. Now don't misunderstand, I do love my brother but this is a story of sisters. Debbie was a charmer, a rebel, a dreamer, a mama, always. Debbie gave her all in everything she did. Debbie was diagnosed formally in May of 2012. It was an ugly diagnosis and an unfair one and a cruel one and a heart wrenching one. Cancer...full blown...horrible grotesque mean cancer. So I counted and kept track of just how many days I had already had to love her. I'm still keeping track, because I didn't stop loving her the day she died. However, 16,833.5 days was all I got to hold her, laugh with and at her, yell at her, be yelled at by her, be mad...most importantly to love on her.

We are at 16,834.5 days now and I miss her. I cut her curls off when we were little...I wanted them. I got spanked and still had straight hair. We shared arguments over tv shows to the point that designated days were assigned and it didn't matter if they were continued...and I still miss her.

We 3 worked together most of our adult lives. We were each bosses and employees to each other. We even kept it a secret so we COULD work together. We were good at it! When my wasband died they came and cried with me and his children. When we celebrated it was together...when we mourned it was together...when you hurt one you hurt three. But if you loved one you also had no choice but to love three and be loved back times three. We mothered our children together, there are 13 babies and 6 spouses and 12 grand babies who had 3 mamas!

Debbie got sick and there were two helpers always faithfully holding her hand. Amy was her chauffeur, caregiver, and knew everything she had to know to get through this. She's a rock, a force to be reckoned with! We made us some glorious memories to sustain us! We had slumber parties. We had the why sessions and we had the honor of sharing the ugliest cruelest moments, too. In their own way, they too, were beautiful. Amy and I were with her until her shell left and she placed herself inside our hearts so that we wouldn't feel empty. That was a gift that I will gladly accept. I will never be whole again but I will continue to breathe and act out of kindness and love because I had her by my side for 16,833.5 days and in my heart for eternity.

Live people, really wholly completely live. Love, hope, dream, believe. Never leave anything unsaid or undone when you love love all the way. It's our greatest gift!